Tuesday, June 2, 2009

If you can't do anything right...

just get a woman to do it. Because in case you weren't aware, she's Superwoman. She knows where your socks are; she knows your mom's birthday; she knows where you are supposed to be right now. It doesn't even have to be your woman. Just any woman will do, usually. And in this case, apparently she can even solve your problems when you are in another country.

Why is it that at the very first sign of trouble, a man throws in the towel and calls a woman for help? It's just easier that way apparently. There is no "let me try to figure this out on my own" when it comes to men.

So here's my story.

I've been struggling with shipping some stuff out of the country for work for about a week, when finally... after hours of my life lost screaming to some ignorant person at FedEx that truly regrets answering the phone at that minute and calling everyone who has ever worked in customs for help... the packages arrive at their destination. Now all that is left is for an installation company to put our exhibit booth together. My work here is done! Yay!

A co-worker of mine (male) has one job. Look at it and make sure it's set up right - as in looks good. Nothing technical, God forbid. If it's not, tell the installation company people to fix it. It's their job. If it takes money, tell them the "put it on the account." Whatever. I'm heading home now, so my problems are finally over. Right?

Riiiiiight. This is a man we're talking about.

5:35pm (phone rings)
Him: So the boxes are here.

Me: Okay. (pause for effect) And??

Him: They are putting it together.

Me: (pausing again) Okay? Is something wrong?

Him: Nope. Just letting you know. I'll call you if anything goes wrong. Otherwise we're good to go. You shouldn't hear from me again. (this should've been a sign of foreshadowing)

Me: Okay, great. Thanks for letting me know.

Him: So we are missing a monitor mount.

Me: Alright tell the install company to find one or get one from the guys in AV.

Him: They can find one?

Me: Yes.

Him: Oh, wait. I think they found it in the box.

Me: Great! Okay then, well have a good night.

Me: (glancing at the phone. struggling to decide whether or not I should answer. It's work, i have to, right? ugh!) Hellooooo?

Him: I just wanted to let you know we got the monitors mounted and they are working on the network cabling now.

Me: Okay. Is something wrong?

Him: Well I haven't checked the Internet connection yet, but I don't think so.

Me: Sooooooo.... you know I'm in a totally different country right now? There's really not a whole lot left I can do. I think you've got it under control.

Him: Okay I just tested Google. It's working! Great! Okay. Just wanted to let you know! I think I'll go have dinner now.

Me: You do that.

Him #2 (another male co-worker that was there): Hey are we only supposed to have two monitors? There are four demo stations.

Me: What happened to the other monitors? Are the install guys still there?

Him #2: Ummm. I don't see anyone. Oh, wait there's a girl with a vacuum. Is that her?

Me: No. Only two of you actually give demonstrations. The other two are there to mingle and go to the conference. Two should work.

Him #2: But aren't all four supposed to be up? There are usually four monitors.

Me: Look I don't care what you guys do. Just use the two monitors, or find the install guy and have him put the other 2 up. There are four of you. You can figure it out!!

Him #2: Do you know where the monitor mounts are? Him #1 said they couldn't find one.

Me: (really?!?!??!) Um. No. (at this point I've just given up and plan to play dumb for the remainder of the call)

Him #2: Well only two of us can give presentations anyway so I guess that will work. (covers phone) Hey, two monitors okay with you? (muffled response) Oh yeah. He said it was okay.

Me: (exaggerated sigh) Okay you guys have a good night. Good Luck! (mumble under breath, I don't know how you guys have survived so long without a woman telling you what to do every waking moment...)

And before you even think this is the end of the madness.... imagine me fielding the same type of phone calls four days later when the show was packing up to leave. While I am on vacation. In New Orleans. On Bourbon Street. During dinner. For over an hour.

Yeah. Don't be jealous.

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