Thursday, June 4, 2009

I Love Sugarland!

The band, not the location (yes there really is a Sugarland in Texas).

I've been a fan of Sugarland and Jennifer Nettles for more than 5 years now. Hell it could be even longer... I've lost track. I could say the reason I love Sugarland is because of the song writing (which is fabulous, and is part of it). I could say I love Sugarland because they are contemporary country, but do the odd classic country throw back song from time to time (again, it is part of it).

But the real reason I love Sugarland is because I can hit every note Jennifer Nettles can when I sing along with my iPod/car radio. And I love to sing. I'm not spectacular, but I'm not bad... and I have a great time. In fact, one of my newly discovered pastimes is karaoke singing.

Yeah, I know.

But I grew up performing on stage; dancing, twirling baton, public speaking... so in my old age (read: I'm not in high school/college anymore and I feel too ridiculous to go clubbing) karaoke has become my outlet. I can sing any Sugarland song you put on. I may not know all of the words to every single song they have, but I know most of them.

I sing Sugarland songs in the shower. On long road trips. Taking my kids to daycare. Dancing in the back yard on summer evenings. While I'm cleaning the house. Whatever. Wherever. I've even caught myself singing along to a tune stuck in my head while in a crowded elevator at my office building(out loud).

I also semi-stalk Jennifer Nettles. Not in person of course, but I read news articles in People, I watch shows that she appears on. I make a point to DVR the CMT Awards and the AMC Awards because most of the time Sugarland does performances.

Right, I think you've got the idea.

I was SO STOKED when I found out Sugarland was coming to my city in concert. I called a friend, talked her into going to the concert, fronted the money for the tickets. I can't wait!

(I bet you're starting to wonder what this has to do with men..... wait for it.....)

So I get home that day from work, unpack the crap from the day and play with the kids for a bit. Then the family sits down to dinner. About five minutes into it I tell my loving husband (that I've known since 2003) that I'm THRILLED to have purchased tickets to see Sugarland in concert.

And he says:


----- You should've seen the look on my face.

It really didn't help that my 7 year old son then says, "Dad, you know! ..." and starts singing "All I Wanna Do" to him. (all I wanna do ooo ooo ooo, ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo is love you ooo ooo!)

Well, maybe my son has a chance. At least I have one male around that pays attention to me. However, I'm willing to bet by about 13, he too will start to falter.


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

If you can't do anything right...

just get a woman to do it. Because in case you weren't aware, she's Superwoman. She knows where your socks are; she knows your mom's birthday; she knows where you are supposed to be right now. It doesn't even have to be your woman. Just any woman will do, usually. And in this case, apparently she can even solve your problems when you are in another country.

Why is it that at the very first sign of trouble, a man throws in the towel and calls a woman for help? It's just easier that way apparently. There is no "let me try to figure this out on my own" when it comes to men.

So here's my story.

I've been struggling with shipping some stuff out of the country for work for about a week, when finally... after hours of my life lost screaming to some ignorant person at FedEx that truly regrets answering the phone at that minute and calling everyone who has ever worked in customs for help... the packages arrive at their destination. Now all that is left is for an installation company to put our exhibit booth together. My work here is done! Yay!

A co-worker of mine (male) has one job. Look at it and make sure it's set up right - as in looks good. Nothing technical, God forbid. If it's not, tell the installation company people to fix it. It's their job. If it takes money, tell them the "put it on the account." Whatever. I'm heading home now, so my problems are finally over. Right?

Riiiiiight. This is a man we're talking about.

5:35pm (phone rings)
Him: So the boxes are here.

Me: Okay. (pause for effect) And??

Him: They are putting it together.

Me: (pausing again) Okay? Is something wrong?

Him: Nope. Just letting you know. I'll call you if anything goes wrong. Otherwise we're good to go. You shouldn't hear from me again. (this should've been a sign of foreshadowing)

Me: Okay, great. Thanks for letting me know.

Him: So we are missing a monitor mount.

Me: Alright tell the install company to find one or get one from the guys in AV.

Him: They can find one?

Me: Yes.

Him: Oh, wait. I think they found it in the box.

Me: Great! Okay then, well have a good night.

Me: (glancing at the phone. struggling to decide whether or not I should answer. It's work, i have to, right? ugh!) Hellooooo?

Him: I just wanted to let you know we got the monitors mounted and they are working on the network cabling now.

Me: Okay. Is something wrong?

Him: Well I haven't checked the Internet connection yet, but I don't think so.

Me: Sooooooo.... you know I'm in a totally different country right now? There's really not a whole lot left I can do. I think you've got it under control.

Him: Okay I just tested Google. It's working! Great! Okay. Just wanted to let you know! I think I'll go have dinner now.

Me: You do that.

Him #2 (another male co-worker that was there): Hey are we only supposed to have two monitors? There are four demo stations.

Me: What happened to the other monitors? Are the install guys still there?

Him #2: Ummm. I don't see anyone. Oh, wait there's a girl with a vacuum. Is that her?

Me: No. Only two of you actually give demonstrations. The other two are there to mingle and go to the conference. Two should work.

Him #2: But aren't all four supposed to be up? There are usually four monitors.

Me: Look I don't care what you guys do. Just use the two monitors, or find the install guy and have him put the other 2 up. There are four of you. You can figure it out!!

Him #2: Do you know where the monitor mounts are? Him #1 said they couldn't find one.

Me: (really?!?!??!) Um. No. (at this point I've just given up and plan to play dumb for the remainder of the call)

Him #2: Well only two of us can give presentations anyway so I guess that will work. (covers phone) Hey, two monitors okay with you? (muffled response) Oh yeah. He said it was okay.

Me: (exaggerated sigh) Okay you guys have a good night. Good Luck! (mumble under breath, I don't know how you guys have survived so long without a woman telling you what to do every waking moment...)

And before you even think this is the end of the madness.... imagine me fielding the same type of phone calls four days later when the show was packing up to leave. While I am on vacation. In New Orleans. On Bourbon Street. During dinner. For over an hour.

Yeah. Don't be jealous.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Drunk Anger Management

I don't know about you, but I LOVE a man who turns into an angry drunk. I mean, c'mon. We've all been there - done that. But when you're in the middle of an argument that is no where near rational conversation, don't you just wish there was a "Calgon Take Me Away" button?

Now I'll admit, at certain times of the month I totally start the most idiotic arguments. Something like this:

Me: Hey, where's my tea?

Him: What?

Me: My tea. Where is it?

Him: I don't know...

Me: You JUST saw me carrying around a tea, and I had to have put it down somewhere around here.

Him: Really, I don't know.

Me: Why don't you know? I mean, do you ever pay attention to what I do? You NEVER pay attention to me do you? DO YOU?!?!?

Him: Uhhh, what?

Me: Nothing! Just forget it. I'll find my own damn tea.

Okay so maybe drunk angry man is somewhat similar to raging hormonal PMS girl. But you know what? At least I HAVE A REASON, you drunk ass.

Men who turn into drunk assholes should know that it never ends well. Inevitably you will sober up and realize what an idiot you were.

First you have to apologize. Then you have to admit you were wrong. Then you have to ask for forgiveness. Then you have to earn back her "nice side" over the next four to eight days (we hold grudges). Then every time you get into a real argument over the next month or two, she'll bring up whatever shitty comment you made when you were drunk.

Trust me, dude. It's just not worth it. Next time, pass on the round of shots. Yes, even if they're free.